Well, here I am on my computer once again. I really miss my diary, that I’ve been typing for at least 5 years. I don’t have that file at home and somehow it never seemed right to start a new file at home in order to paste it in, once I’m back at the office. You have to know I’ve been off work since the end of May. It’s been hard… But I’m finally feeling better, and my fatigue is also less. So I pray with all my heart that I’ll be able to get back to work in January. That’s the goal now.

Today is the first day that I woke up and realized that I’m actually staying home. And it made me feel so grateful. It’s snowing outside. I opened all the curtains at 7:30 am even though it was not light yet. But I love to look outside, especially in the winter. The snow makes it so much brighter, even if the sun is not up yet.

So once my kids left the house I curled up on the couch, still in my pyjamas, with a cup of tea in my hands. I watched Life Today and later Joyce Meyer on the TV. At Life Today Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife were sharing some of their journey of grief and how God had been there for them, when their daughter was killed. And it made me think. Especially the sentence Mrs. Chapman said: God was there all along. Yes, God has been there all along. I can say that of my life, too. This is my story, this is my song: God has been there and is there. In the midst of all the things that have happened since that fateful Wed in May. Wow, God, you have been there!!! Every step of the way. I still don’t know why this all happened. But I do know that God knows. And that’s all I really care right now. I don’t want to complain, I don’t want to get upset or angry or disappointed. I do want to stay positive and learn as I walk along Jesus, every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

Big smile here… I just wish that that was really the case. I mean, me walking with Jesus every second. We’ve got a very powerful enemy. And this enemy has been attacking me non-stop since that Wed in May. Satan wants me to get discouraged, depressed, lonely, angry, and so many more things. And I really have to fight hard every single day to stay on course. To walk the walk and not just talk the walk. God’s Word has been really special to me. This year I’ve been reading through the Bible in chronological order. And wow, what an eye-opener it has been! I have had so many wow-moments and so many light-goes-on-moments, unbelievable. And I’ve been so blessed by this, I really want to do this again next year.

I believe with all my heart that God’s Word is alive and it has the power to change a life. It surely has changed mine. Right now I’m in 2nd Corinthians. And when Paul talks about struggles and shares his close-to-death experiences, and how God has been there for him and his brothers and sisters. It just encourages me. See for yourself:

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

So today, as I do laundry and clean up the house and do dishes, I fix my eyes on Jesus, on the things that cannot be seen, on things that will last forever. Thank you, LORD, for this attitude adjustment that I needed today. Thank you for your truth, that speaks into my life today.

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