A Glimpse From the Past

Have you ever had to go back? Way, way back? Back to something you forgot was even there?

This morning I realized that life continues, no matter what…

Life continues, BUT it’s up to me how it continues…

I have to make choices, how I want to continue. Do I want to be bitter? Do I want to stay bitter? Angry? Disappointed? Frustrated?

Many years ago I made the decision not to become bitter. That was the last thing I ever wanted to be: a bitter and angry woman. Growing up I watched an angry and bitter woman go through life. I saw her every single day for 17 years. That’s a long time to watch bitterness and anger eat at a person and make her into something, well, not pleasant. It was no fun being around her, I can tell you that much! And so when hard stuff hit me, I knew exactly what I did not want to become.

Have I succeeded? I know I’ve not perfected it. But I’m sure trying…

And it was this morning, when I had to look for a document, that I came across a lot of documents I hadn’t seen in many years. There were the immigration documents from the Soviet Union to Germany, that brought a smile to my face. There were the immigration documents from our move to Canada. And then there were the “hard documents” as I like to call them.

You see, I’ve filed my documents chronologically. And since I needed a document from the 80s, I had to go through the 90s in order to get to the 80s. And the 90s are not my favorites. They are the hardest years of my life. I often wonder how I have survived those years. But my kids and I are still here. Scarred? Definitely! But only because of God’s grace and mercy I can say: I am  not bitter, and I am not angry.  And I sit here amazed and grateful, extremely grateful at how God has led me and my kids to where we are right now.

Today I had a “this far” moment, and to explain it listen to these verse from 2 Samuel 7 (emphasis mine):

” Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family,
that you have brought me this far?…
Do you deal with everyone this way, O Sovereign LORD?
What more can I say to you?
You know what your servant is really like, Sovereign LORD.
Because of your promise and according to your will,
you have done all these great things and have made them know to your servant.
How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you. We have never even heard of another God like you!…”
“Up to this point the LORD has helped us!”
(1 Samuel 7:12b)

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