Have you ever had to go back? Way, way back? Back to something you forgot was even there?

This morning I realized that life continues, no matter what…

Life continues, BUT it’s up to me how it continues…

I have to make choices, how I want to continue. Do I want to be bitter? Do I want to stay bitter? Angry? Disappointed? Frustrated?

Many years ago I made the decision not to become bitter. That was the last thing I ever wanted to be: a bitter and angry woman. Growing up I watched an angry and bitter woman go through life. I saw her every single day for 17 years. That’s a long time to watch bitterness and anger eat at a person and make her into something, well, not pleasant. It was no fun being around her, I can tell you that much! And so when hard stuff hit me, I knew exactly what I did not want to become.

Have I succeeded? I know I’ve not perfected it. But I’m sure trying…

And it was this morning, when I had to look for a document, that I came across a lot of documents I hadn’t seen in many years. There were the immigration documents from the Soviet Union to Germany, that brought a smile to my face. There were the immigration documents from our move to Canada. And then there were the “hard documents” as I like to call them.

You see, I’ve filed my documents chronologically. And since I needed a document from the 80s, I had to go through the 90s in order to get to the 80s. And the 90s are not my favorites. They are the hardest years of my life. I often wonder how I have survived those years. But my kids and I are still here. Scarred? Definitely! But only because of God’s grace and mercy I can say: I am  not bitter, and I am not angry.  And I sit here amazed and grateful, extremely grateful at how God has led me and my kids to where we are right now.

Today I had a “this far” moment, and to explain it listen to these verse from 2 Samuel 7 (emphasis mine):