It’s been over nine years since I was diagnosed with my first serious illness that required surgery and took me out of commission for five weeks. My body has never been the same after that.
Over the years one diagnosis chased the other. When filling out an intake form at a doctor’s office, there’s not enough space for my list of diseases.
Prescribed medicine and recommended natural supplements forced me to get a “pill case”, you know the ones with Monday, Tuesday, Morning, noon, etc., so I don’t miss a dose. Often I joke that I ‘m chained to a pharmacy.
The last two weeks I experienced pain that grew to the degree of excruciating last Friday. As if a blindfold was removed from my eyes, on Friday I knew what was happening. I will need to see the doctor(s), I will have to go through tests, and most likely have some kind of surgical procedure. It’s all too familiar.
I got discouraged. I thought I had been healed from this disease four years ago. Knowing what’s ahead of me scares me. I have questions, many questions. In 2010 I was told I was that odd person it would happen to. And now I am that odd person who will go through it again?
Where is God in this? What is His plan? The unknown, fear and anxiety cloud my judgement. And so I pray.
You are good. You are faithful. I don’t want to ever forget that.
When I am in pain, my feet are slipping, I’m losing my footing. My thoughts want to take me away from God’s love and His faithfulness.
Fear grabs my heart and wants to constrict my breathing. Anxiety wants to blind me.
“What do you, God, know? Do you even know what’s happening?” I ask.
I don’t want my heart to grow bitter. I want to trust you more, my God!
It’s foolish and ignorant to think that you don’t care.
You do care! You really do!
You are right there, beside me. You’re holding me up by your powerful right hand.
“I look up to the mountains – does my help come from there?
No, my help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth!
He will not let me stumble; the one who watches over me will not slumber…
The LORD himself watches over me! The LORD stands beside me as my protective shade. The sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon at night.
The LORD keeps me from all harm and watches over my life.
The LORD keeps watch over me as I come and go, both now and forever.”
Why should I be afraid? Why should I give in to anxiety if my LORD GOD watches over me and knows exactly what’s happening in my body.
“God, I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever!”
And so my God, I pray for peace to get me through the pain.
I pray for a steady spirit of thankfulness and appreciation towards You.
And LORD GOD, I do pray for healing! I pray for your mighty touch upon my body!
In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN
Psalm 73; Psalm 121