For a few days I had been really grumpy. No, I mean REALLY grumpy. And it kind of all accumulated until Tuesday afternoon when it all came to a “boiling over” point.
I was on my way home when I just lost it at the traffic lights on Springfield and Gateway. A driver did not drive correctly, according to my view! And so I decided to let him/her (I think it was a “her”) know that I did not agree. My honking was really loud and demanding. All of a sudden this drew attention from all the other drivers at the intersection. And let me tell you, there were a lot of drivers there. If you were one of them, I’m truly sorry for my behavior.
But I was so angry, and felt so right in what I was doing, that it only occurred to me when I got home that I had behaved really, really badly. I hope none of you did see my face during those 5 minutes at the corner of Springfield & Gateway! And if you did, oh boy, what can I say, but: I’m really sorry!
Once I got home, I got into an ugly cry (if you’ve done Beth Moore Bible studies, she’s explained an ugly cry. Well, this was one of those if not worse!) because you see, this was not about me being right at the traffic lights. It was so much more… I had collected, once again, so many things and not dealt with them on the spot. So here I was at the end of my rope with everything crashing down on me, and of course, it was too much!
You see, I’m not supposed to collect bad thoughts, bad habits, worries, well and of course sin. But I let it go on, I was not vigilant and did not deal with, for example, my bad thoughts toward a certain person. They just accumulated and took shape in my head and actually started to spill over into my words and my actions. Instead of going to God in prayer and asking Him to help me remove these thoughts and help me stay away from it and not pollute my mind with it, I just let it go on and on. And so some other things happened during those days that were beyond my control, and all of a sudden I felt so overwhelmed and so “full” that I could not contain it all in and it came to the boiling point. And boiling over it did, in a very ugly way. LORD, have mercy!
After some time of confession with God, I felt so much better:<)) King David wrote in Psalm 32: “Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!… Finally, I confessed my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt… And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone… For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.”
I want to be in God’s hiding place. It’s the best place to be!