For the last 8 months I have really cut down on my calorie intake. It was easier than in the past since I did not have to worry about what to feed my kids. I cleaned out the fridge and the pantry. And it has been great. The reward so far is: 2 sizes smaller!
But this morning I was getting ready for my morning run and my daughter caught me on Facebook before I could head out. So I sat down and chatted for a bit. Then I saw the leftover cake on my stove, and sure enough, I had not just one piece, but two. With a cappuccino, I might add.
It was all nice and good… Until I was on the trail, running, and almost puking… I was so mad at myself for giving into this temptation this morning. Instead, in my fury, I decided to punish myself and do the 8.5 km instead of the usual 6.5 km…
When I got home, I took the remaining two pieces of cake and threw them into the garbage.
I wish the story ended there. A few hours later I had made myself lunch. A healthy one. And as I was opening the trash can to put something in, I saw those 2 pieces of cake in there. Undamaged, I might add. How do I know? I inspected them!!! Yes, I have to be honest here… They were tempting me once more, and I actually looked whether these pieces of cake had touched any other garbage. And they hadn’t.
I got so mad at myself and squished that cake into the rest of the garbage so I would not be tempted to even look at it.
Have you ever been there? Done that?
It’s not pretty. It really isn’t. When you stare into that ugly part of yourself that doesn’t want to leave you alone. I thought I had dealt with it, once and for all. But here I was once again eyeing the “forbidden fruit” aka massive amount of calories.
I could have justified eating the cake since I’ve been pretty good at watching what I eat for so many months now. But this giving into temptation is a slippery slope I know way too well.
Just this once…
Just this one piece of cake…
And temptation doesn’t really leave me alone when I’ve given in once. It will be there the next time, and the next time… And before I know it I’m in the thick of it once again. And it won’t take long, and it will show. I will not be able to hide it. It will be there for all to see…
James puts it this way:
Temptation comes from our own desires,
which entice us and drag us away.
These desires give birth to sinful actions.
And when sin is allowed to grow,
it gives birth to death.
(James 1:14-15 New Living Translation)
And the Apostle Paul wrote in his letter:
“I have discovered this principle in life –
that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
I love God’s law with all my heart.
But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind.
This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
Oh, what a miserable person I am!
Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!
(Romans 7:21-25a New Living Translation)
The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord! Do you believe that?